In an effort to explain myself properly

First off, I regret telling you about my parents. It was the wrong time to say it, I know, but I had to get it out, because I am an idiotic person who looks too much towards the future when it comes to the stuff that should be kept in the now. I just needed you to know that obstacles will always be in our way, wether it be distance or my folks. And that, we need to acknowledge how hard this is gonna be, whatever "this" is. All I know for sure is that you love me and I love you. I know how hard you tried, I could see it everyday. I love you more for it, more than you would think. Still, my parents are set in their ways and will never be able to accept you as someone I should be with. As a friend and a person, they actually think you're amazing and hilarious. But never anything more. That's just that. But just the fact that you tried, and that you even tried with Mark and Vicky (although some things you should've kept to yourself) was enough to just make me yours even more.

I know you're there and I'm here. I can definitely feel the separation, trust me. But, think, if you TRULY loved me as you say, would you really just make yourself disappear like that and leave me to fend for myself? Would you really leave me alone, just because we tasted the joy of us being together, then had to deal with the withdrawal of not having it everyday? Because, that'd be very selfish of you. Suicide is probably the most selfish thing ever, because the person NEVER, EVER thinks about how it would effect other people. It's always about how it would absolve THEM from the pain and not how it would cause pain to the ones they professed to love. I mean, how would YOU feel if I tried, not once, but twice, to kill myself? I doubt you'd be OK with it. If you would be OK with it, then obviously something's not right here.

I know it hurts. It hurts real bad. I can already feel it through my Skype window. But, see, the thing I've noticed with us is that we somehow always come back to each other. Have you noticed that? We've known each other for what, little over 3 years? And it's always some intense bliss then a long separation, just to get back together again. Not exactly an off and on thing, but something more along the lines of "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever." kind of thing. I don't know. I just know that, yeah, we're gonna have to deal with shit. And, who knows, maybe the day will come when we come to our sense and stop this for good. But for now, we're both crazy and I like it like that. Don't feel bad. Because guess what?

I love you.