Chivalry is Dead...Because of Me.

Chivalry is dead because of me. I only state this fact because I am just REALLY awkward when it comes to guys or boyfriends doing something nice for me. Yes, I LOVE it when a guy opens the door for me or opens the car door for me, but then I feel compelled to leave the door open for him when he walks in or feel weird just sitting there as he walks around the car just to open the door when I could've done it in 5 seconds. Maybe it's a practical pig complex? I don't know. I mean, I'm so used to being the guys girl that when it comes time to embrace my inner princess, I seem more like Princess Fiona than Snow White. I also feel weird when a guy wants to pay for the meal or ticket. YES, I am secretly thanking God that you offered, because I'm totally short on cash right now, but I just feel bad! So, I offer to split it. And then they seem mortally offended that I even said those words! "Split it?! Is that how you think of me?!" ...Not really those exact words, but you get the drift. Or when I'm carrying something heavy. Unless it's furniture or 20 boxes of watermelons, it's OK, I can handle it. Then-BAM-"Here let me help you." "Aw, thank you, but I can do it..." "No, it's OK *take*." And then I'm left standing there empty handed as Prince Charming struggles. Or so that's how it seems in my mind.

I also seem to think guys have ulterior motives, as if they can't be nice JUST TO BE NICE! What? Preposterous! Ludicrous! These are teenage boys we're talking about! But, time and time again, whenever I bring up these issues with the guy at the time, they usually reply with "Well...isn't that what you want me to do?" or "But, I just want to be nice!" OR "I do it because I want to do it for you!". How very nice. Still, it makes me uncomfortable sometimes. Maybe it's the anti-Barbie approach that we've been instilled with since I was a little girl. It's a bit mixed. My parents have always said how a guy should "treat me right", but that I "can't take any shit." Hm...this leads me to my next point.

Now, here's the part where I feel I should get better therapy than the Internet. Sometimes I DO pay for both movie tickets, or the whole meal, or go around with 5 different bags on each arm while they chill. I get secretly pissed! Oh, so you DON'T see me here with the bill, taking forever to get my debit card, hoping you'll offer to split it? Oh, that's OK, I can carry 10 heavy bags real easily! Oh, hey, maybe YOU should by the popcorn, buddy! What is wrong with me?! CHOOSE A SIDE! Either it's yes, let him be the "man" in this  relationship or no, I wear the pants, albeit with some sparkles on it. It's just madness. (No, this is SPARTA! ...I'm hopeless.)

I think that I just want the guy to OFFER his chivalrous services so I can turn them down in that feminist way us modern girls love so much. Don't get me wrong, though, there are somethings I'll take in stride that a guy does. It's just that I'm a very awkward person in general and not very used to the whole "Oh, I'm a girl, too!" part. Maybe next time when a guy wants to be nice just to be nice, I'll just chill and enjoy the fact that a sweet guy wants to pull out a chair for me! ...Even if I end up falling on my butt.