It's good to feel like a girl again.

I love knowing that I can still get silly little crushes on people. It makes me feel younger haha. I like knowing that I don't either feel indifferent or completely serious about a person. I can just act stupid and think like a girl. "Oh, he's so cute!" "Oh my god, he's so talented!" Just gush. I wish I had a girlfriend, like you know, a good friend that's a girl, to totally talk to and just feel stupid about guys again haha. I don't know, I think I've missed the feeling of idly thinking about someone WAY out of your league. It's actually a great little feeling that girls don't realize they've got until they stop feeling it. It makes me feel like I still have some sort of frivolous emotion left in me :P

I'll never stop!

There comes a time in every girls life where she realizes that she should stop clicking on a guy's Facebook profile, stop staring at his pictures, and stop stopping to SHRIEK, GIGGLE and message your one friend that "HE COMMENTED!" or "HE LIKED MY POST!" or "OMG HE POKED ME!" For this behavior is deemed "weird" and "creepy" in our society. Eventually, most girls also realize that making weird YouTube videos with your friend about said male specimen just breaks the scale of "super creepy" and that, maybe, one should stop.

Unfortunately, the clock I'm running on is set a little backwards.

Oh, acting class...PART 2

*For background information, please see the post titled "Oh, acting class..."*

So, the same guy came up last night and did his scene, except (surprise, surprise), his voice was as flat as the line on a dead person's heart monitor. My teacher kept trying to get him to use some vocal variety. Then she asked, "What's wrong? Did you...uh, did you smoke anything?" To which the whole class, including the actor, starts laughing at. "Hey, just checking!", she says. The guy says "No, I didn't! I actually did better when I was high, remember?" It's true, he did much better when he was high. 

After a few more takes of the scene, my teacher interrupts him again and tells him that she understands that he went through hell over in Iraq, but he's got to at least fake some vocal variety. He goes, "Well, I actually had a LOT of personality before the military!" and this one chick from the back yells, "Before the weed, you mean!" For a good minute, the whole class just LOL-ed their asses off.

Gotta love acting class.

Musica

God,  I love music.

I love creating it and being with other talented and brilliant people and just working together to make something new and great. I love how total strangers can just bond, even just for a moment, in trying to make a song. I love people who can play instruments and the way they just casually jam out some melody without even thinking about it, just to PLAY something. There's something about musical people that I just respect and admire and wholeheartedly envy!

I like to think of myself as musical, but whenever I'm with someone who TRULY loves music, I feel so inferior. But that challenges me to make my input matter, to think smarter and quicker when it comes to collaborations. To work harder to overcome my total lack of knowledge of musical theory and not sound stupid. I love being in a studio for hours and hours working on the same freaking chorus, trying to make it just PERFECT. Or in the booth, hearing the same measures over and over again in my headphones, trying to get those notes just right.

I love just mulling about for 3 hours, thinking up of lyrics and melodies, bouncing off ideas off each other. Trying to secretly one up each other, but sacrificing your own ideas to make it work for the greater good of the song. Voicing one's opinion and your favorite musicians and songs that you think would be great to steal inspiration from.

And the music itself. Ugh, the way symphonies can put goosebumps on my arms and make my heart beat faster as the orchestra crescendos into the full blast of joyful music. Or the way you HAVE to get up and dance at that one chorus. Or how you listen to the low sound of the acoustic guitar and stare dreamily out the rain soaked window, imagining yourself to be in a movie. The way that one lyric takes you back to someone or a place you once knew. How you can feel twenty million things in the course of 3:30 minutes. How, after so many times of absentminded listening and singing along to the words, the song becomes new again. And how you always seem to forget how much work, time, money, sweat, blood, and tears it took for that song to be made.

I-l-o-v-e-m-u-s-i-c.

Age is just a number?

I'd like to think of myself as "mature", even though, frankly, what the hell does that word even mean? Like, seriously, does it means acting older than you are? Or being more grown up? I've always been called mature and I'd like to think of it as being able to keep up with the adults. I've always been able to do that, because, hey. They're just over grown children with mortgages. So, I don't understand why it's always a revelation to people that I'm this old or that old. I mean, is it that much of a rarity among teens to actually hold your own in a conversation with "an adult", the big scary force of so many years more of experience? Most of my friends act like I do and I don't see it as such a big deal. I thought everyone was like that.

But, then I can turn around and act like the dumbest kid you've ever seen. Or like an 8 year old boy with ADD who just drunk 2 cans of Red Bull. Then I'm told to act my age! To be an adult and why am I acting so stupid and at their level? Well, I am only a kid, right? This should be acceptable! I should be encouraged to laugh more loudly than is acceptable, to run around in a store, to whine about not getting that toy or candy bar in the check out line. People stare and think I'm stupid or spoiled or whatever, when really: it's in the job description. I'm a kid.

People around us have this conflicting notion about age! I think that's what makes being a teenager so bad! You're in the middle and no one ever wants to be in the middle. You feel out of place. So, I can't play in the Play Place at McDonald's but I can't get into the club as well? Awesome. All the places that are deemed "fun" are now off limits to me because of my age. There's only so many times where you can go to the mall and look at clothes you don't have the money to buy!

This applies to dating as well. OK, so I can keep up with a 20-something, but it's illegal and borderline creepy? OK, I can see that. Even though we meet each other perfectly mentally: age. Got it. It's also just as weird when dating someone younger than myself! Well, we're almost perfectly matched in every way, except...you're 15? Yikes, later sucker. The 50 year old woman with the 28 year old guy. The 67 year old man with the 32 year old woman. Ages. Apparently life experiences and everything still doesn't make up for the age difference. At least in someone else's eyes.

I can see someone else's point though, if I were to argue this with said hypothetical person. With age brings different experiences and knowledge. Obviously, what you know or think you know at age 11 will be different than what you know or think you know at age 45. But, in some for m or another, every age group can become the other. The 10 year old can parent their misbehaved parent. The 80 year old patient struggling to go to the bathroom. So on and so forth.

It's really hard not to judge, though! You always assume the worst, the creepiest, the greediest, the whatever. That's why I like to keep my real age to myself. I think it helps eliminate some assumptions if I tell my age. Plus, someone's reaction to my age is probably the most fun part! "What?? I thought you were older!" "What?! I thought you were younger..."

Age, with all things in life, is an enigma of social meaning.